34

“Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

-Michelangelo

This one is dedicated to my son, Elliot Gardner Swindell. He was just born a few weeks ago and I love him. He’s very sweet and I can’t wait to see what kind of person he grows up to be. I can talk about his name, though. We wanted his name to blend nature and elegance. Elliot has a few different meanings depending on the historical/religious context, but we just thought it sounded classy. Elly/Ellie (and now maybe Eli) is also a family name, and we can call him Elliot Swindelliot if we’re feeling saucy. Gardner mostly means gardener. It sounded a bit exotic at first, but we warmed up to it quickly, and gardening is a staple activity in our family so it’s not only naturey but also sentimental. When we were tossing the name around we realized it had significance with Arizona Wildcats basketball; Sean Elliott and Jason Gardner are two of the greatest Wildcats of all time. I’m a lifelong U of A fan, and our first date was to a Wildcats basketball game. That was the first name-related serendipity, but it wouldn’t be the last. The initials EGS can be pronounced as “Eegees” (or nickname EG); which is another pillar of Tucson and a family favorite. His initials are also “eggs” just like mine are “beans.” What dish serves eggs and beans together? Huevos Rancheros; a staple cuisine of southern Arizona. And don’t forget about the Full English Breakfast that Felicia and I had one time in London. Full English Breakfast abbreviated is FEB. F.E.B., as in FElicia Brian. Is that a coincidence? Did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself? Can jet fuel melt steel beams?? This name flew out of Pandora’s box; putting it back was not an option.

It was a good year for the family. The kids have grown a lot, physically and otherwise. Natalie completed her first year of Toddler Group. She still prefers her mom and dad but she’s warming up to playing with other kids whenever they’re around. We bought memberships to the children’s museum and zoo while we wintered in Tucson. At first she was overwhelmed by the big new places but it wasn’t long before she was running to her favorite spots as soon as we got inside. Potty training throughout all of that was its own adventure. Felicia and I have embraced our roles in this demanding stage of life, and that’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with being nominated for best supporting actor! 

The surge of productive energy that you get when you’re expecting a baby is called nesting. For mothers this is actually a physiological/hormonal thing. As a father, I find the sense of urgency to be contagious. We mostly channeled the energy into baby-related tasks like setting up the nursery and prepping meals, but the surge didn’t fade after the big things were taken care of, so we attacked the backlog. Felicia was adamant that the cars had to be cleaned inside and out, and the floor underneath the couch (it’s a 3 piece sectional so PITA to move) had to be spotless as well. My biggest extracurricular achievement was planning our estate. Now we have life insurance, wills, and even a family trust. Contemplating your own death while bringing a new life into the world is pretty heavy, but I do have some peace of mind knowing that my family will be taken care of if I’m not around.

I also tackled some gardening projects that I’ve been putting off; our new raspberry patch is immediately thriving, blueberries are established and producing, and there’s a new prototype strawberry bed in the greenhouse. Our backyard also has a cherry tree and blackberry bushes, and there are apple trees in our neighborhood. Don’t sleep on pie season. Shoutout to the bamboo that I planted a few years ago too, and also to the birds that nested in my greenhouse.

We nested with Natalie too. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad her whole life, so being apart from us for a couple days for Elliot’s birth was a big deal. We had my buddy Phil babysit a few times so they could get used to each other before the big show. She was devastated the first few times that we left her, but by the time we were ready to meet baby brother she was happy to send us off. A new sibling can be really hard for toddlers, so we wanted to celebrate the chapter of our lives when she was our only child. We took her on some special trips to the Seattle zoo, aquarium, and children's museums. She also enjoyed riding the ferryboat on a daytrip to Bainbridge Island. Now that Elliot’s here and occupying a lot of mom’s attention, Natalie and I are closer than ever. Maybe a little too close. I’m exhausted most nights after I finally get her into bed, then I get in my feelings wishing I was more patient and present with her throughout the day. We would benefit from a bigger village for childcare, but I’m also extremely independent and I have separation anxiety, so that’s easier said than done. I think my hands will be forced this year because I don’t know how I’m gonna manage a toddler AND a baby after Felicia’s maternity leave ends.

On the Game Development front I continued working on Wage War. I’ve got six demo levels that can be played solo or up to four-player co-op. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve delivered so far and I’m confident in the roadmap ahead, although I haven’t touched the project in a few months because it’s been a busy summer. I poured my scarce free time into Hogwarts Legacy and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. Running through digital Hogwarts was pretty amazing. My character was a 15 year old Natalie, who was sorted into Ravenclaw. Tears of the Kingdom is my game of the year. I spent maybe 50-100 hours on each game, but I could easily spend way more in Hyrule.

My birthday was a doozy. My in-laws were in town helping with Elliot so I had a little extra time on my hands. I spent most of the week mourning the Pac-12 conference. I think I’ll be unhappy with college sports for at least a few years, but maybe that will be good to untether my emotional wellbeing from games that I don’t control. Anyway, I expect conference realignment to come full circle in about 20 years when the linear TV money dries up and universities grow weary of all the travel expenses. Thankfully my birthday had some upside too. The six of us feasted on lunch, dinner, and dessert in my honor. I requested a Key Lime pie from Felicia, and obviously she knocked it out of the park. I also got to try jumbo paddleboarding. It’s an enormous standup paddle board that fits eight people. It was a fun bonding experience (the best part was reenacting scenes from Titanic) and we got to swim in Lake Washington while watching the Blue Angels Seafair air show.

TGIB

33

My 33rd year was stable. I know a lot of 30-somethings who are terrified at the idea of growing old and boring, but stability suits me well. I’ve reached a stage in life where I’m not really working toward the next thing anymore. I’m happy with what I’ve got and I want to nurture it.

A boring year doesn’t make for an exciting blog post, but it’s important to record history (even the boring parts) as it happens. To rely only on memory is to accept the embellishments of a storyteller. Indeed, our memories deceive us. When we relive them, we project a better version of ourselves into the past. In doing so, we diminish the victories and amplify the defeats of someone lacking experience and hindsight. So when my future self reads this, I won’t cringe at the word “indeed” and I’ll feel nostalgia for the moments that seem small, because to my present self they seem big.

We didn’t travel much. Like I said, it was a boring year. We wintered in Tucson and we plan to do it again this year. Our other big trip was to Houston for my cousin Felicia’s wedding. Yes there are two Felicias in my family; deal with it. Wifelicia’s parent’s joined us on the trip. They babysat for us during the wedding, and the five of us spent a couple days visiting with Natalie’s great grandma AKA Meemaw. Natalie also got to meet the Swindell extended family, and the wedding day itself was a blast.

best passport ever	wait til she learns to read...and what candy is

Unfortunately a bunch of our family (I think the official count was 13) contracted COVID over the wedding weekend, including all 3 of us. The illness wasn’t terrible, ~2 days of flu like symptoms and a lingering cough, but the 2+ weeks of positive test results kept us isolated at home. That was frustrating because toddlers need stimulation and living our whole lives in the same house day after day quickly became uninspiring. Father’s Day fell in that two week period - it was nice to do something special - and Felicia got me a fancy new rice cooker. Great gift. But the best present I got that day was Natalie’s recovery. The day before was when she was at her sickest. It was hard to see her like that and not be able to help. For starters she had a stuffy nose, and toddlers don’t know how to blow their noses! They just live with it. She was also just so lethargic. All she wanted to do was cuddle up with mama and sleep. She even fell asleep a couple times when she was playing with her toys on the floor. Anyway, on Father’s Day morning she woke up right as rain and I’m super thankful for it.

The worst illness we had was actually back in April. Felicia and I both had seafood sickness. We don’t know if it was from our local sushi restaurant or from a homemade salmon dinner. The symptoms lasted about 24 hours and they were violent. Intense chills prevented both of us from sleeping that night. Felicia was spared from the messier business but I had it coming out both ends from midnight to 6:00am. Click here for some graphic photo evidence. Natalie woke up around 8:00 and by lunchtime we were exhausted. In general we try to give her very little screen time, but that day was an exception.

Instead of screens we try to spend a lot of time at the great parks in our neighborhood. I’ve become a playground connoisseur; I always know the best park to go to depending on the weather and the time of day. During our current heatwave we’re spending a lot of time at O.O. Denny park, on the eastern shore of Lake Washington. Natalie likes to play for a while on the shaded playground and wade in the water while watching other babies (to her all people are either a baby, mama, or dada) and doggies take a swim. It’s crazy how quickly she’s growing and developing. Just half a year ago she was still crawling from A to B but now she puts on her own shoes and runs everywhere and climbs everything. Her personality shows through her verbal skills; her vocabulary has exploded and she says a lot of 3-5 word sentences… a lot of which are commanding mom and dad to do something! When she’s in a mood she can be a tyrant, but she’s very sweet overall. When we leave the park she always waves and says bye bye to her favorite things… “Bye bye swings! Bye bye grass! Bye bye water! Bye bye doggies! Bye bye slide! Bye bye babies!” My heart melts every time. She’s still a good napper, which I’m very thankful for, and she’s an adventurous eater too. We’ve had some really sweet bonding moments chowing down on things together like a huge pile of spaghetti or our giant smoothies. I’m such a lucky dad! She turns two next month, and we’re going to be starting potty training and toddler group (like a pre-preschool) then as well.

During Natalie’s naps I’ve kept busy with my game development hobby. I posted this meme last year and now I’m sharing it again, because there’s no new progress on Salaryman or Basebrawl.

First up is Rootbound. This was a group project but we lost momentum and I doubt we’ll ever pick it back up, so I’ll spoil the ending by showing the final boss,Tuberius, starch-god of the fertile earth. He’s a potato who berths tendrils from his many eyes. You defeat him by stunning the eyes with your bananarang and detonating them with gourdnades. In this playthrough, I attach the gourdnades to the bananarang to form a bomberang. It’s a high-risk, high-reward move. If your bananarang misses the target then it’s carrying the live explosive right back to you! Also gotta shout out the shelmet. This video lacks the character art to see its model, but its effect is the green watermelon rind protecting the hearts.

Next up is Wage War. You can actually play this right now on PC. Message me for a download link. It’s like Overcooked in a retail store. The current version of the game is single-player only, but I’m actively developing it with a plan for local and online multiplayer.

Another big naptime project for us was remodeling the downstairs bonus room. We lived in this room for about six months while we remodeled the rest of the house, and COVID isolation was the catalyst for us to return the favor. The biggest effort was the floor. Removing the carpet, tackstrip, nails, adhesive, and some mysterious tiles took a lot of work and a little asbestos exposure. Felicia promised me that the new “click lock” vinyl flooring would be easy peasy. It was not. It turns out click lock is just a buzzword for tongue and groove, so after spending all that time just preparing the subfloor, we then spent a few days on hands and knees finessing all the little planks into place. Since we were already so far over budget timewise we decided to lean into it and get fancy. We made the floor flow seamlessly through the hallway to the stairs, then installed new baseboard trim, painted the walls, and installed new blinds on the two large windows. Now this room is a kick-ass home gym, double office, and guest bedroom.

Upstairs and above our foyer is still a thriving houseplant jungle. I haven’t spent as much time on houseplant projects this year, but I think that’s ok. Everything is still lush, it’s just less effort for me to maintain it than it was to grow it in the first place. The plants inside the greenhouse are mostly thriving as well. I’m in the process of decommissioning the smartgreen.house project because of faulty hardware, but that’s ok because the experiment ran its course. A next step for me is to analyze the solar/power data and try to build a model that would work for powering hydroponics and environmental controls without the safety net of a power grid. That’s the idea anyway. I’m more focused on game development right now, so I doubt I’ll get to that anytime soon. More likely I’ll just enjoy my greenhouse as a nice space for growing plants :)

Also, we planted a raised-bed of strawberries last spring and then forgot about it for a year until Natalie picked a ripe berry and showed it to us. The crop is still going strong! What a pleasant surprise.

For my birthday this year we had a little picnic at a nearby park. We had a long streak of warm sunny days leading up to my birthday, cold and rainy on my birthday, then back to warm and sunny for the forseeable future. But I've had worse birthdays than a rainy picnic, like my 18th when my mom took me to get an overdue teeth cleaning (we had to pay out of pocket so that was my present) or my 21st when I worked a 9-5 then came home and drank a six pack and played Nintendo by myself. And the clerk who sold me the six pack didnt even say happy birthday. Anyway, Natalie didn't seem to mind the rain at all, which is really what matters here.

We made Pasta Primavera for dinner and Felicia made strawberry shortcake from scratch for dessert. Outstanding (Natalie agrees). Also I scored a new belt and some Asian cooking ingredients. It must be hard to buy presents for the man who has it all, but somehow the people in my life pull it off every year :)

Miscellaneous

• I recently finished reading Oathbringer. At 1248 pages (458,045 words) I believe it’s the longest book I’ve ever read. For reference, the longest Harry Potter book, Order of the Phoenix, is 257,045 words long. Oathbringer is book 3 of the Stormlight Archive. I'm enjoying the series and I’m impressed by the scale of the Cosmere and the quality of the works within it.
• My wordle streak just hit 200 days. I'll ragequit if I ever lose.

TGIB